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December 25, 2009     Heritage Florida Jewish News
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December 25, 2009

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HERITAGE FLORIDA JEWISH NEWS, DECEMBER 25, 2009 PAGE 9A By Gloria Yousha -- Call 407-657-9405 or 407-834-8787 OK, OK. It was just a matter of time... I might as well confess because I am sure you all are guessing. Yes, I had an affair with TIGER WOODS! Why not come clean? All the other "bimbos" did. What are you thinking? Because I am too old, be- cause I am too fat, because my hair is not blond and flowing, you think I'm not Tiger's type? OK, you win! I'm not his type, and I didn't have an af- fair with Tiger Woods. But, I wonder how many of those confessing are being Tiger Woods truthful or do they want to be paid millions for their silence. (My idea, too!) His famous friends say they can help him. (I'm not famous.) This is from Cable News Network on the Internet: Tiger Woods has changed his cell phone number and is not talking to some of his famous friends, NBA legend CHARLES BARKLEY said, following Woods' sex scandal that erupted last month. Barkley and filmmaker SPIKE LEE told about their concern for the golfer during the taping of a one-hour special--"With All Due Respect"--to air Sunday on HLN, a CNN sister network. "I think when you have these fires in your life, as I call them, you need to talk to somebody else who is famous who [has] been through things in their life," Barkley said. "I don't think you can talk about it to your family and friends, because your family and friends, they're not famous." Lee said he had hoped Barkley or retired NBA star MICHAEL JORDAN could counsel Woods on how to survive the crisis. "He's insulated," Lee said. "If Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan can't get to him, and those are his boys, then other people are making bad moves." Woods, in a written statement that acknowledged "my in- fidelity," announced last week that he is taking "an indefinite break,' from professional golf. The 33-year-ol d golfer, who tops the sport's world rankings, has been mired in controversy since he crashed his car outside his Florida mansion in late November. The crash prompted authorities to cite him for careless driving and fine him $164. Tiger can use a joke about now... So can I. Doctor Kosiner has just joined a new doctor's practice and today is his first session on duty. The first patient to enter his office is a woman holding a baby. "How can I help you?" he asks the woman. "Today, doctor, is the date booked for baby Sam's first check-up," she replies. "OK," says doctor Kosiner, "let's take a good look at him." He then examines baby Sam from top to bottom and fin- ishes his examination by weighing the baby. He hands back baby Sam with a worried look on his face and says, "Is the baby bottle fed or breast fed?" "He's breast fed, doctor," she replies. "OK then," he says to her, "could you please strip down to the waist. I need to check something out." She does as she's told. Doctor Kosiner then looks at her right nipple, pinches it and gently rubs it. He then looks at her left nipple, pinches it and rubs it gently. He then rubs both breasts for a while in a very professional way. When he finishes examining her, doctor Kosiner says, "Baby Sam is underweight and I've found out why. You don't have any breast milk." "That doesn't surprise me at all," she says. "Why do you say that?" asks doctor Kosiner, looking a bit puzzled. "Because I'm baby Sam's bubbe, that's why," she replies. "But don't worry, doctor, I'm very glad I came because my Arnold doesn't do such nice things to me these days." We went to dinner... Not just any dinner, mind you. Not just any "we." My spouse was with me. SANDI SOLOMON, Casselberry city commissioner and vice mayor, and her spouse, Dr. IR- VING TETELBAUM, as well as anothervery prominent couple made up the rest of the "we." We all met at 3-6-9 Chinese Restaurant, owned by a lovely lady named CINDY. Cindy was a perfect hostess on a perfect evening. We found out that Dr. Teitelbaum used to teach at Brooklyn College, a school that my spouse attended. (My Sandra Solomon spouse also went to CCNY and Rollins College, where he earned his degrees.) I even attended Brooklyn College for Journalism courses. (No remarks, please.) Sandi was a teacher in the Seminole County school system for more than 35 years as well as many other attributes. I'll write about her in more detail when she runs for re-election in the spring. But, back to 3-6-9, a wonderful new restaurant on the corner of Semoran Boulevard (S.R. 436) and Jasmine Road, in the heart of Casselberry. We had a superb meal (minus MSG) within lovely sur- roundings. The company was sublime, as was the meal. OK folks.., when are we meeting there again? The absolute hit of Chabad... Of course the singing of Chanukah songs by the children is always a hit and the klezmer music was won- derful to hear.., especially in downtown Winter Park. The Chassidic dancers move with such grace and enthusiasm it was hard to sit still, and the lighting of the grand Menorah is always exciting. In an evening of so many terrific events--thanks to Rabbi Sholom Dubov-- would you believe one stood out even more than the rest! I'm referring to BRUCE the Juggler. How great was he! Rabbi Dubov The children loved him. Everybody loved him. He made us laugh and hold our breath... especially when juggling fire! The only sadness I felt was that our grandchildren weren't visiting to share in the event. I saw other grandparents hold- ing their little ones and tending to them. I was jealous. Two years ago, our granddaughter and grandson were in town for the menorah lighting and Chanukah party. They loved it. We loved it. Maybe next year. He was a national figure... When there is a loss in my family, I usually don't write about it. I make this excep- tion, though, because, Dr. Malcolm Oliver Perry was a national figure. He was also machatunim...father-in-law to our son, DAVID. Dr. Perry tried to save Presi- dent Kennedy when he was shot in Dallas on that fate -filled Nov. 22, 1963. He also oper- ated on Texas Governor JOHN CONNALLY and the known • gunman, Lee Harvey Oswald. In fact, I mentioned him in my column just recently when I wished our son and Dr. Perry's daughter, JOLENE, a happy Dr. Malcolm Perry 26th wedding anniversary. Dr. Perry died Dec. 5. He is part of American history. He will surely be remembered by all...especially by his family. One for the road... Miriam decides to seek the help of a psychic counselor. She looks through the yellow pages and selects MISS BASHAYRT, primarily because her advertisement seems to indicate that she has had a lot of success in tarot reading. Miriam makes an appointment to see her. Later that week, she's with the psychic in a dark and gloomy room with just a flickering candle to provide some light. For the last 10 minutes Miss Bashayrt has been silently gazing down at the tarot cards laid out on the table in front of her. Then suddenly she speaks. "There is no easy way for me to tell you this, so I'm going to be quite blunt with you." "OK," says Miriam, "I'm ready for the bad news. Fire away." "You must prepare yourself to be a widow," continues Miss Bashayrt. "The cards clearly show that very soon your husband is going to die a grisly death." Even though Miriam thought she was ready, she is still visibly shaken. She stares at the cards, then at the candle, takes two deep breaths and feeling more composed, looks Miss Bashayrt in the eye and calmly asks, "Nu? So will I get away with it?" Help Wanted Advertising Sales Full or Part Time Call Jeff at [HERITAGE FLORIDA JEWIS 407-834-8787 can be purchased at the following locations: Orange County JCC, 851 N. Maitland Ave., Maitland • Borders, 600 N. Orlando Ave., Winter Park • SOJC, 11200 S. Apopka Vineland Rd., Orlando * Select Publix Supermarkets Seminole County Heritage News, 207 O'Brien Rd., Fern Park • Ole Gourmet, 7800 South US Hwy 17-92, Suite 194, Fern Park • Borders Books and Music, 880 W. S.R. 436, Altamonte Springs • Bagel King, 1472 Semoran Blvd., Casselberry • Borders Books and Music, 8285 Red Bug Lake Rd., Oviedo • Kosher Kats, 744 W. S.R. 434, Longwood • Central Florida Hillel, 4250 Alafaya Trail, Ste. 212-363, Oviedo • Select Publix Supermarkets Volusia County Federation of Volusia/Flagler, 470 Andalusia Ave., Ormond Beach • Select Publix Supermarkets Osceola County Cindy M. Rothfieid, P.A., 822 W. Bryan St., Kissim- mee • Walden Books, 3105 W. Vine St., Kissimmee • Select Publix Supermarkets • Verandah Place Realty, 504 Celebration Ave., Celebration :o '" - Menus & More | 205 North Street • Longwood. 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